Holding On For What?
A piece I made while processing my fears, anxiety, pain, excitement, hopefulness, depression, anger, and a host of other feelings in the early days of my not yet finalized divorce. It has been hanging on my wall ever since as a reminder of those feelings and a reminder that that history is a part of me.
Yesterday someone reached out to me about purchasing it and the thought stopped me in my tracks. I had not considered selling it but now that the opportunity exists I am conflicted.
It represents so much of my past and so much that has built me up to the person I am now. I look at it and can say, I overcame so much turmoil to get here and that is something to be proud of. I am not the broken individual who is looking at the fracture in his life wondering if it gets better. I know I can do what brings me joy. I am not afraid of the mistakes I will inevitably continue to make.
I also look at it and wonder what if. What if I had acted differently? What if things had turned out differently? Would I be better off? I don't like these thoughts because they don't make anything better, they just leave me wishing for an imaginary past that is empty of anything real.
I think the positives of letting go outweigh the desire to hold on to the past. It's time to say goodbye to this one.
The parting with The Parting.