Better to Have Lost

Updated: Dec 7, 2020

When does love stop? Do you ever stop loving someone? All the time you have spent together influences your life whether or not you ever get to see the other person again. They may drift away over the years or be suddenly ripped from your life but their impact remains, the time you spent together is still there. Their presence created a part of you and their loss rips through you and leaves a hole where they used to be.

I have had a few partings in my life that still come back as tears even years after the person has left. I don't know if the sadness ever leaves but if I remember the good times I had with the person, the tears easily turn to a smile.

Today especially, I think back on my grandmother's passing. A specific memory of her last days is forever tied to Thanksgiving for me. About half of the family was there, we are a relatively small family so fitting half a family in an apartment is not too cramped, and someone asked one of my nieces what she was thankful for. The process was then passed too the next person in the circle and then the next and so on. I don't think we made it past the second person before it was clear that everyone was thinking, "I am thankful for this one last Thanksgiving with G'ma, for this one last chance to say I love you"

We cry easily as a family. This was no different. But it was also a strange event as nobody wanted to say to her face that she was dying even though everyone knew it and everyone was trying to accept it. We all tried to put on a brave face for each other and for her although I do not think anyone achieved that goal. It was a somber moment of thanks, a time to reflect on things to come and times past.

Hold those you love close, accept that nothing is permanent, enjoy what you can, and forgive more than you think possible. You never know when a part of you will be torn away.

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