The walk I made so many times as a child, the walk to familiarity, to comfort, to good food, and to the most important of people in my life. The yard has grown, the surroundings are different but yet not changed at all.
For those of you that don't know me well, I have been married before. The relationship lasted 13 years and there were many good times in that period but ultimately, when someone can't choose between their affair and their spouse there is not much trust left to build on.
So, in the last few years I have been searching to fill a gap in my life that I had not expected to ever have to fill. I've made a mess of many things and I've learned a lot in the process. It is hard to put into words the feeling that is missing but words like trust, comfort, dependability, normalcy, intimacy, and connection are attempts at describing it but none of these truly capture the sensation that one can experience with a partner they love.
I am so excited to have moved to Seattle and the surroundings are everything I have ever wanted out of a landscape and a city. Yet, as I wrapped up this piece everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I miss the secure feeling of a spouse, I miss my family in New Mexico, I miss knowing there is food waiting for me just inside the front door, I miss not needing explain all my feelings because they are understood by somebody. But, I chose to move here, I chose to be alone, I chose to pursue nature and a career over a relationship. I will probably find someone to build a family with one day but for now, it's a one man show that will inevitably hit a few stumbling blocks. Left foot, right foot, repeat. I've done this before, I'll do it again.
As I build my new life out here, I'll be on the trails where I find joy moving through the glorious scenery out here. I mean, just look at it!
Stay safe out there and love one another.